"Due to Your Weight, This Isn't the Best Option."

See that title? "Due to your weight, this isn't the best option." That's what I heard my junior year of college when I went to get on birth control...my period's were out of control and apparently the added hormones help regulate them. I wasn't just slutting around. I wanted to get the patch since I had heard several of my friends say positive things about it. That was a short-lived idea after I mentioned it to the doctor. I remember asking her, "What do you mean, due to my weight?" She replied, "Well, the patch is not recommended or as effective with women who weigh over 200 pounds". Me-"I weigh over 200 pounds?"...thinking surely she read the number wrong. "Yes ma'am, you weigh...(looked at my chart)...238 pounds."

Yes, you read that correctly. My height was/still is 5'8" and I weighed two hundred thirty-eight pounds. Gross. I remember having to really pep talk myself in my head to not cry right then and there in front of her. I seriously told her that I had changed my mind and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. I went home and just cried. I knew I had gained weight. And I knew I didn't feel good about how I looked or how my clothes fit, but 238 pounds? I had just watched an episode of The Biggest Loser and a contestant weighed just about that...ugh. I tried to get my marshmallow self together and I went to my closet. I forced myself to try on some of my clothes I hadn't worn in a while, pants mostly. I couldn't fit into any of them. None. If they weren't elastic or sweat pants, I was screwed. I wore a pair of flannel pajama pants for a solid month...even in public. That was the moment that I knew I couldn't live that way anymore.

The photo below is from my senior year of high school, before prom in the purple dress and the other is also my senior year at a park with friends. How did I go from a healthy 18 year old, size 10 jeans...to 20 years old, 238 pounds and a jean size of who knows. I don't know because I stopped shopping. Yep, I only wore elastic because I was too embarrassed to even go to the mall.

Then, somehow, I managed to look like this in 2 years...

I still can't believe it. Just looking at these pictures makes me feel nauseated. I think I will write a new post soon explaining why I think...why I know, actually...how I managed to gain 60+ pounds within 2 years. I think what you should take away from this post is simply to not give up hope. Look at the difference in those pictures...it's HUGE. Literally. Don't get me wrong, it took so much hard work, frustration, plateaus, tears, etc., but to be able to make this next statement makes it ALL worth it: I purchased and wore today for the first time since my senior of high school a pair of size 10 jeans. Yes, they are curvy fit and stretchy, but they still have that #10 on them. Thank you sweet baby Jesus for helping me along. I have 9 pounds to go people. 9. That's it. I will have reached my goal weight of 165 pounds-what all of the "charts" say should be my healthy weight. I'll leave you with a most recent photo. Please don't stop working to achieve your physical goals. It will change all aspects of your life and happiness dramatically.